Moving from Treatment to Burnout

Feline diabetes is scary when you're new to the dance. Very scary. That fear can lead to some awful decisions.

When can we play?

Fluffy has been your beloved kitty for eight years, you may have adorable stories about how you found each other and how cute she is when she's stalking her favorite shoe lace. She may even be the only set of ears for you to tell your inner most secrets to and the only set of eyes that look upon with you with only love. But once she starts getting sick and the diagnosis comes in all of that disappears and you are left with a lump in your throat and butterflies in your stomach.

You listen to the vet explain insulin and blood sugar and hear about all these changes but you can't comprehend it right now, your brain just stopped when you heard shots twice a day and new food. You may go into that fight or flight feeling you sometimes get. You choose to fight and move quickly to the internet, your friends, family, and even coworkers. You're surprised at how many people tell you to put Fluffy down. She's a cat, she doesn't want shots every day, she's replaceable, there will always be another. Wow, did your trusted companions just tell you to put Fluffy down?

You move on, still fighting and you find your way to forums and learn about proper treatment and diet. You learn that you can manage this and you may even have a great shot at getting Fluffy into remission so you buy everything you need. Your kitchen counter is turned into a triage area. You've got your sharps container, syringes, karo, high and medium carb canned food, rice socks, freeze dried treats, desk lamp, flashlight, head gear flashlight because it will be easier to see if your hands are free. The pile keeps growing. Ponytail holders to get your hair out of your face. Lancets and needles now where the salt and pepper used to be. Next you add supplements because this one is good for digestion, this one for nerve regeneration, this one for energy. Your own small area for your vitamins gets moved to a far away cabinet and forgotten about. Suddenly there's papers every where. Blood sugar logs, logs to note if Fluffy used her litter box, logs to write down when she napped, how long she napped for and if she looked like she had a good dream. Seriously—why do you have all of these logs?

When did Fluffy become your patient and not your cat? And when did that bottle of wine disappear? When was the last time you slept cuddling Fluffy instead of watching her breathe and poking at her to make sure she's okay? When did you get so short tempered and start getting headaches?

Darn... you suddenly find yourself having to say no to invites. How can you possibly go to the coffee shop and leave Fluffy at home, what if she knocks over the water bowl and needs more? What if you're five minutes late for her blood sugar test or worse, her shot? You're finally getting good blood sugar numbers, how could you possibly go to that work retreat? Vacation? Seriously how could anyone suggest you leave her side—you must check her blood sugar every moment you get. You have to be there to watch her use the litter box, you have to take notes.

That headache is back... you can't believe there's a hair ball on the carpet you just vacuumed. Cannot believe she is hiding under the bed, come on... Fluffy, don't you know Mom has to see you to test your sugar?

Hmmmm... Fluffy is no longer here to listen to how your day went. She's no longer here to cuddle with and play. Now you're tired, you have no one but your internet friends who are cheering you on as you type away at 2:00 a.m. and plot when you'll get the next spot check.

Now you're cranky, you're mentally exhausted. You feel guilty for going to work, at work you feel guilty for leaving, you feel guilty for not being home enough, you feel everything. You go on, you post on the forum, you check sugars, you forgot your vitamins again, you missed that festival you had planned on going to, actually you're not even sure what day of the week it is. The old Fluffy is gone, what you have now is blood sugar numbers and notes and that darn head ache. You really don't care if Fluffy played today or was able to lounge in the sun. You're angry and you're tired.

Caregiver burnout is very real and it can happen to anyone. Whether you're taking care of a diabetic cat or a human loved one. If you don't take some time for yourself you will become irritable and worse, you may take those feelings out on the one entrusted to you for care. What if you have unrealistic expectations of the one you are trying to care for?  Would you know that? If you're exhausted you may not see how you are behaving, you may lash out, you may start to get depressed.

It is my opinion that my kitties may have feline diabetes but they are not feline diabetics, they are felines. Enjoy them, love them, worry less, and don't give up your life. You may have to make some changes but if you lose yourself and turn into a monster that others don't recognize, do you think Fluffy is really happy? Do you care if she is???