A Year in Review, the Ups and the Downs

This post started out as the brain child of a woman I'm proud to call my friend, my mentor and sometimes even my boss, the woman who started DCIN.  She wanted to tell the world about the highs and lows of 2011 for Diabetic Cats in Need.  The cats we saved, new friends, growth of our Facebook page and the sad stuff, those cats who were just beyond our reach, the ones we lost, the friends who lost their cats, the not so great things we see.

But to start this post I had to do some reflection on why I was here.  I've always loved DCIN, I've adopted several cats through DCIN and they have been a constant source of love and challenge for me. But why else am I here.  Do I really want to think about that or should I continue to bury that deep down?  I still haven't decided the answer to that question, until I hit the publish button the question will linger within me.

Why am I a DCIN case manager? Because I have to be. DCIN is the one place where help is the main goal, it's not about anything else. Some may balk at that statement and say it's about something else, something sinister. One woman's ego, one woman's need to be above the rest, but I've seen this woman in action. People who hurt her, people who knew their words would hurt her, she always puts that aside when anyone needs help and she does offer that help through DCIN, even when I wouldn't blame her if she flat out refused to help. But again, why am I here?

My little man, Tucker

It's a selfish reason. I am here because one person made the decision to use the remove post option on Facebook. Seriously, did I just write that? Are you sure you want to delete this post and the end user said yes, delete this post. What post? Well, I had a soul mate kitty, actually I still do, Tucker - my little man. He was everything to me. Sometimes I think he meant more to me than my own family, my husband, my friends, but the reality is he didn't mean more to me than them, he is a part of me, he completes this part of my heart that could have been lost so many times over. Even in death he is still here, still sending me signs of his approval or dislike. He was never one to keep quiet. He left his body in March of this year, a brain tumor finally took over. The story would take too long to write, but I want you to know he passed so peacefully and with such honor and dignity, just as he lived his life.

When a cat passes we go to the one place that others will understand, for me that was felinediabetes.com the message board. We write the one post on a web forum that we learned about feline diabetes, the one post everyone dreads, we call it a GA post, Gone Ahead or for me Guardian Angel. I wrote that post in advance knowing his time was near, but I couldn't submit that, instead I simply copied and pasted a poem I had found, one that is partially inscribed on his urn, If Love Could Have Saved You, You Would Have Lived Forever.

So again, how did this bring me to DCIN and what does this have to do with a Facebook post being removed? There are groups on Facebook, I belong to several. The morning after Tucker left his body someone posted on a group a link to his GA thread so that others would know he was gone, Tucker was gone. I saw this post and it brought me such happiness, someone cared. This group cared, people were going to read his GA thread and comment. A GA thread can bring you so much peace, knowing that your little man touched others, reading their comments about your kitty, that others remember and how he touched them. Within an hour that Facebook post was deleted. Gone. Just gone as if Tucker never mattered, but it wasn't Tucker that didn't matter, it was me. I did not matter.

What happened next surprised me. The GA thread for Tucker, that which was supposed to bring me peace and feel the love for Tucker, I turned away from it. I wanted it to stop, to go away, no one cared so stop writing about him. JUST STOP! This is the time when I was going to leave the FDMB, I was going to stop helping others, stop being me and stop caring. Tucker passed on Saturday night, I could not take his body to the vet until Monday morning, we had him set up so my own cats, his family could mourn for him, could understand the loss and it was beautiful to watch. Cats - no change that to animals - animals had more compassion than the person who hit the delete button.

Was I going to let the delete key change me for the worse? Was I really going to let everything that Tucker went through mean nothing because one insignificant group of people didn't care about me? If I swore this is where I'd right the F-word, F-NO, no freaking way was anyone going to change me for the worse. Go ahead and delete the announcement to "friends" that Tucker is gone, you won't change the fact that he is going to be a significant force in feline diabetes. You can hit delete all you want, his love will pull me up every time and my love will finish the job.

DCIN is a place where any one will get help. We have some simple guidelines, the most important thing a person who comes to DCIN must do, they must treat their cat. They don't have to stroke our egos, they don't have to tell us how wonderful we are, they can however, if anytime in the future they want to pay it forward to another, please do that. I don't care if you help another DCIN cat or simply drop off a can of food in the bins that pop up at stores once in a while. Maybe your mailperson is collecting food for the hungry, give a box of pasta. I guess there is one other thing I would want the people that I directly help through DCIN to do, or to know. Your actions, whether spoken or not, they can affect someone. You alone have the ability to make or break someone. It was one person who posted about Tucker in this one group, and that one act could have brought me to my knees had I let it. One person is all it takes sometimes. Maybe tomorrow when someone is rushing for the door, maybe you can hold it open and not look away.

Since I started this post over a week ago there have been several changes. For one I have been unable to properly write the real DCIN year in review post. Until I do publish this post I cannot move forward and this became severely apparent when I had a meltdown over a little kitty problem at my house and thankfully my sister and a few close friends made me laugh and helped me get through my meltdown and I did not spend money I did not have on a new mattress. Long and not pleasant story but my mattress is fine and my cats are. I have decided to publish this, it's the only way I can possibly move forward and continue my love affair with the one group that is always there for any Diabetic Cat in Need. It was after Tucker passed that I contacted Venita and asked if I could work within DCIN and she did not hesitate to not only let me work with DCIN but to become a case manager and help her take care of this wonderful group.